I saw your story this morning and I am not good at putting myself out there or talking about myself and telling my story, that’s an area I am definitely lacking in. But, I love following you and I am trying to set and meet goals for myself so I am trying to learn. I make signs, hats, clothing, home decor, etc. I have done this since I was 14 but for the most part I only ever did it at the occasional market or street fair and for gifts, family and friends. It was more of a hobby than a business. I always dreamt of being able to do it full time and had major aspirations to be like some of these big shops that I followed forever. But I worked 10 hours a day and had put 15 years into a very successful career in finance. Since my daughter was born in 2012, my life has felt like it’s been a mess. I have been tired and rundown and sick, I lost over half of my super thick hair, my perfect teeth that had never had a cavity in my life suddenly looked like they should have been on a homeless person, as fast as I could get them fixed, they needed to be fixed again. I developed these dark purple marbled spots up and down my legs. I knew something was wrong but I was busy. I justified each thing by attributing it to something else. And ignored it. Deep down, I knew there was something serious going on but there was no way in hell I was going to have that conversation with my kids so if I didn’t deal with it, I wouldn’t have to, right? Fast forward to March 2018. I had to leave my job. I was really starting to feel like I was crazy. My memory was terrible, I was easily confused and had difficulty understanding simple things. All of these things sooo 100% out of character for me. I finally told myself I would make an appointment with my doctor for a physical. I went and he sent me for routine blood work. I was on my way home when he called and said, “Pull over immediately, I will call you an ambulance, you need to be in the hospital, you have no blood, your hemoglobin is 4.6, your white count is dangerously high and your red count is dangerously low. I have no idea how you are walking around right now, we only see this when someone has been shot or in a car accident and are dying on the table.” At this point I am thinking, in that case I think I am doing pretty good. I drove home, I wasn’t far. I had my dad pick me up and take me to the hospital. They gave me multiple units of blood. Afterwards they bounced me around from doctor to doctor, I had every test under the sun ran. Every test came back bad but didn’t give any answers. They found scarring on my liver and lungs. They tested for a bunch of different cancers. They couldn’t keep my blood up so I was admitted to the hospital twice a week for blood transfusions and infusions. I was rapidly growing worse each day. My joints and muscles were excruciating, the skin on my purple “leopard spots” (as I like to call them) began to fall off in patches. In November I saw a new doctor at Stanford and finally got answers. I found out that I have very progressed Systemic Lupus Erythematous, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Mixed Connective Tissue Disease, Livedo Reticularis, Vasculitis and we are still running tests to determine what else is going on. I immediately started treatment but have continually gotten worse. So we had to up the attack with chemo. (A smaller dose) I am still receiving the blood transfusions and infusions twice a week. I am now on my 6th week of chemo, it makes me sick for 3-4 days after I take it but I am managing. It will take 6 months to a year to start seeing improvements. At this point my hand is starting to deform, which you can only tell when the swelling goes down long enough to see. I cannot be out in the sun or daylight without breaking out in a rash on whatever part of my body is in contact with the sunlight (even through the windshield of the car). But whether it be my determination to not feel weak or defeated, my need to be there for my kids, I have to look for the silver lining. I have loved the opportunity that this has brought to be home with my kids, to be at their sporting events and work in their classrooms. And for the first time I have had the opportunity to focus totally on my business full time and see what it can become. I have never been able to do all of these things because I worked so much and for my family financially, not working was not an option. So now I get the opportunity to be a full time mom and give my little business 110% and see if I can do it. While this whole experience has been miserable and life altering for my whole family, it has been a blessing in disguise and given me the opportunity to pursue my dreams at home with my kids and I am actually very grateful for that.

Heidi

@sugarbritchesmarket