Tips on How to Control Emotions in Marriage
Marriage is a sacred relationship that two people choose to be in because of the love and affection that they have for each other. They want to be bounded by marriage to express how much they mean in each other’s lives. But just like any other relationships, it has its highs and lows. marriage is never perfect. Two people with different personalities will sooner or later have to have episodes in their lives wherein they will clash over various matters. The question now is this. How can you control emotions in your marriage?
The Anger Dilemma
On the first year of marriage, the new couple is too scared to express their anger over one another. This is true for most marriages whose both the husband and wife thought that their relationship would be happy all the time. They are the ones who promised themselves never to be angry with one another.
But the truth is that two people who react differently to situations will definitely have issues when something they do not like occurs. Normally, if this situation happened when you were single, you would just burst out in anger. But now that you are married, the last thing that you want to happen is to hate on your spouse.
This is the anger dilemma. You do not want to hurt your husband or wife but at the same time, you would not want to keep everything to yourself. You feel that you will not contain yourself and say more devastating words to your spouse. Or, if you do not say anything now, on your next fight, it will eventually come out and you would wish that you have said something earlier.
More questions come into your mind. Do I sacrifice my own emotions so that I would not hurt my husband or wife? Or do I pick a fight with my spouse and just hope that it will not lead to one or both of you walking out of the house.
Anger According to Science
Science explains a lot of things and here, we will show why anger occurs in our lives. It is said in Harvard Magazine that when an angry feeling coincides with hostile behavior, this also triggers the amygdala, the same part of the brain that activates fear and anxiety. But the reaction and response will depend upon the previous emotional condition of the person. This means that if your spouse has been previously depressed, the anger will only subside once the depression ends during that situation. In the study, the people with no past depressions still get angry but the response from them is not as robust.
What is indirectly being said here is that people with no previous depression condition will more likely show fewer outbursts as compared to those who were depressed before. Depression strikes if you suppress your emotions. If you do not show your anger today, it will definitely add to your negative emotions, which can turn into depression and will lead to a lot more anger in the future.
So What Should You Do?
Because we do not recommend suppressing your emotions, we recommend expressing yourself during times of anger. At that very moment that you felt anger, you should not hesitate to communicate it to your spouse. The best person that will hear your bursts of anger is your husband or wife. But as the spouse, you should still control your emotions. You can still communicate your anger without shouting at your husband or wife. You can share what you are thinking to your spouse without hurting them emotionally and, with greater emphasis, physically. Here are ways on how to control your emotions during the marriage.
Be Aware of Your Physical Responses
When you are angry, the first ones that you always control are the words that come out of your mouth. You hold out on hurtful words and make sure that you will not say something bad against your spouse. But the thing that most people are not aware of is that you the anger that they feel almost instantly comes out through the actions that they do.
When you are irritated by a response from your spouse, you intentionally throw the objects that you are holding, you punch the wall, and you put your head inside a pile of clothes and scream your lungs out. Be aware of the reactions that you usually do. Remind yourself that once you do it, you are already angry and you should intentionally control every action that you do from this very moment.
Label Your Emotions
A lot of experts say that you should label your emotions. By labelling them and uttering those words, you can tell yourself to avoid that adjective or noun. Fearful, depressive, failure- these are words that you can use when you are undergoing such emotions. If you label these emotions, you will tend to tell yourself that you are not your emotions. You are more than that. And you need to take control of your life. Do not let your emotions take control of you. By doing this, you are avoiding the pitfalls of anger and moving forward to fixing the relationship.
Keep a Marriage-Mindset
Do not think of divorce every time you feel angry at your spouse. This mindset is dangerous and detrimental to your marriage. Although divorce is a way to prevent bad things from happening further, you should always look out to improve your marriage instead of searching for ways to get out. If you do this, you will avoid things that will hurt your marriage. You will focus on repairing the marriage and prevent miscommunication with regard to each other’s issues.
Emotions, if not controlled, can result in hurtful words, broken items, or worse, broken marriages. Keep your emotions in check every time you feel angry with your spouse. Be realistic in your relationship but keep a positive outlook in your marriage. Control your emotions to protect your spouse and the sanctity of your marriage.
Written by – Mike Zhang