Does back-to-school have you feeling BatShit Crazy? Not to worry momma, you are not alone. And there is help. Based on a recent study (that included myself and three other tired, BatShit Crazy mommas), we have found proven ways to move from BatShit Crazy to “I Can Make It One More Day Before I Lose My Shit”. The effective treatments? I’m so glad you asked…
The 1st treatment is a simple 5-step process:
- Open a bottle of wine.
- Drink from the bottle of wine.
- Pass to the friend on your right.
- Continue this process until said bottle of wine is empty.
- Repeat as needed.
The 2nd treatment involves a high-end gym. (By high-end, I mean they have childcare and allow members to bring guests). Now wait, hear me out…even if you are on a tight budget (raising my hand), you can make this happen.
- Make friends with a momma who is a member of aforementioned high-end gym. Yes, you can do this. It’s for your sanity. If you don’t want a new friend, see step #1a. (#1a.Tell the momma that if she doesn’t invite you, you’ll have to visit her at her home frequently to feel relaxed. You’ll get an invitation to the gym verrrrry quickly).
- With your invitation, go to the gym and drop your kids off at the gym childcare. Tell your kids you are going to exercise. Make sure you look miserable.
- Lounge by the pool with music or a good book. Can you remember the last time you were able to lounge by the pool? I couldn’t either until yesterday when a friend took me to her gym! Heaven.
*Side note: Do not, under any circumstances, pick your kids up in a bathing suit cover-up and wet hair. Even if they are young. I did this. The 4 year-old busted me.
The 3rd treatment for tired, BatShit Crazy mommas is as follows:
- Buy and hide a chocolate bar. Don’t hide it in your tampon box. Kids (and husbands) are getting wise to this spot. Hide it in an empty box of prunes. No one will look there.
- When the time comes, make sure you are wearing yoga pants. Trust me.
- Loudly announce your stomach hurts and get out the box of prunes.
- Quickly, place the chocolate bar in the waistband of your yoga pants. Cover with shirt.
- Casually walk through the house and into the bathroom with the chocolate in your waistband. Because you have complained about your stomach, and “taken prunes”, you will have approximately 2.3 minutes of uninterrupted time. Enjoy!
Keep hanging in there, BatShit Crazy mommas! You are amazing!
-Kristen M. Rodgers